Insomnia

I have not been able to sleep in a week. It started out where I would go to sleep fine, but would wake up at 3 or 4 or 5 and not be able to go back to sleep. I would be a little tired during the day, but feel ok. Then I would sleep for an hour and wake up and stay awake for 2 hours, sleep for an hour - on and on. Then I just could not sleep AT. ALL.

Do you know what it feels like to lay awake all night long? Everything is quiet and dark except for your mind. It is lonely and kind of scary.

I took tylenol PM with no help - and they always work for me. One night I took 2 of them and just lay there with my heart racing and my mind racing from thought to thought. Not one particular thought that was keeping me awake - but a jumble of a million thoughts. Fragments popping into my mind. It is weird.

All the while Robbie is taking the Neupogen shots to prepare for the stem cell transplant and they are making him feel like booty. So I have to pull it together and pack us up for the trip to Atlanta, drive us to Americus to drop Hawkins off and then drive us to Atlanta. I sucked it up and did those things safely and took care of my sweet husband.

I won't go into detail, but the shots did not agree with Robbie. They are a high dosage of a drug that boosts his stem cells. The plump up the cells and make your whole body sore and give you a constant migraine headache - sounds fun huh? He slept alot and just needed to be in a cold dark room. Thank the sweet Lord for my parents. We stayed with them on our way to Atlanta and they took care of Hawkins and both of us.

We arrived in Atlanta Sunday and stayed with friends. We were able to rest there after visiting Bryan in the hospital.

Then someone gave me an anti-anxiety pill (b/c obviously that is what I needed.). Sunday night I took 2 of them and it was glorious. I slipped under the covers and felt comfortable. It took about an hour to fall asleep, but my mind was not racing and I was peaceful. I fell asleep around 11pm and the next thing I knew it was 6am - VICTORY! I was still a little groggy, but felt great.

We got through Monday with a mid-day nap, and I felt good about being able to sleep again last night. I took one of the anti-anxiety pills and got into bed. Nothing. Lots of thoughts - not racing, but still lots of thoughts. No sleep.

Sleep mask - check, loud noise machine - check, my own temperpedic pillow - check, my blankie that I have slept with since birth - check, complete darkness - check, a bed to myself b/c I slept in the other guest room to escape Robbie's snoring - check. And still no sleep. Finally at 11pm I took another pill and hoped for the best. (I had started trying to go to sleep at 9:30)

I HAD to be alert for the big transplant the next day.

Another hour went by and still no sleep. After that things go fuzzy and I finally fell asleep until 4am. Snoozed until my alarm went off at 5:30. I jumped out of bed and showered and quickly got ready. We went to Starbucks quickly!

We are currently at the hospital and Robbie is hooked up. He is donating stem cells as I type.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for Robbie. We pray he gets through todays transplant and that Bryan's body accepts the stem cells and saves his life!

We give all the Glory to God.

Some bible verses I have been focusing on:

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”
Romans 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ"